One of the obstacles that we often encounter in using assertive skills is avoidance of conflict. Conflict is a natural part of the process of life. R U Assertive? has a useful section on Conflict Management that explores the dynamics of conflict and how conflict is a potential experience for growth.
Where are you most conflicted in life? How are you handling your conflicts?
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Being a high school teacher, I find the section on “Conflict Management” very relevant to what I deal with every day. I encounter the examples presented in this chapter of the “R U Assertive?” textbook multiple times every week day. In the section titled “Broken Record,” Mrs. Marcus, you state that it is not a good idea for teenagers to use Broken Record if their intent in the conflict is one of selfish desire. I completely agree with this statement, but my question is this: How can I, as a teacher, (and mother) help my students/ children to realize that their intent is one of self desire when it actually is? I think that the Broken Record method is effective when dealing with conflict, but what can be done if teenagers are employing the Broken Record method in a certain conflict for the wrong reasons?
That is an interesting question and there may not be a “perfect” answer. How can we really know another student or an adult’s motive or intention? Perhaps if you can be detached and act like an actor in a play, you can gain a better perspective about the student’s motive as well as your own. Students often project their desires or emotional states on to their teachers, i.e., students may create their feelings in the adults who are responsible for them. With this knowledge comes detachment and an ability to see more than one avenue of response.
Thank you for your response Mrs. Marcus; if I understand correctly, basically, I just need to step back and assess each situation in the most objective manner? And I struggle with the borderlines that come along with detachment. Of course each student is different, but I find it difficult to harness the line between becoming too involved and becoming too detached. In the past, through my efforts of “detaching,” I think I might have inadvertently caused the student to become apathetic. Is there a more proactive way to “detach” but also still convey your dedication to the students?